


Swallow

by dallaswlnston



Category: Lost Souls - Poppy Z. Brite
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ficlet, Forced Relationship, Internalized Homophobia, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 07:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17955800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dallaswlnston/pseuds/dallaswlnston
Summary: Steve Finn lies to everyone, but especially to himself.





	Swallow

 

 

 

Regret.

Sometimes Steve Finn thinks that’s all he’s made of. Regret and whiskey.

Or stale beer, whatever he can get his hands on.

Ghost would say he’s made of stardust or some other sensitive shit.

But he’s not. He’s made of scars and bruises and mistakes and blood and pain.

Ghost would say he’s brave and caring.

But he’s not. He’s stupid. Stupid for caring, stupid for craving love, stupid for pushing it away.

He shouldn’t be loved. He should be punched in the face. Thrown against a wall and ripped to shreds.

That’s what he deserves.

That’s what he wants.

He wants Ann to take him back. To fuck her and not grab a beer as soon as he’s done. To be happy that she’s in bed with him, asleep now, her hair messier than his.

He doesn’t want to wrap his arms around Ghost’s pale, sinewy body. Those gentle curves pressing against his own sharp edges. His cat like body lying graceful next to Steve’s hard awkward frame.

He doesn’t want the love that Ghost gives him.

He doesn’t want it.

He wants Ann and her shitty art. Her dumb lace and velvet clothes. Her anger and her boredom.

He deserves to be with Ann. Even if Ann doesn’t deserve to be with him.

Because no one does.

No one should have to put up with him.

Especially at three in the morning.

When he’s drunk and shaking and laughing even though he wants to cry.

Especially at noon when he’s puking in the bathroom. Dirty and disgusting and wanting nothing more than for the ache to sooth.

But it won’t.

Like a dull throbbing the ache is always there. And he hopes it stays.

Because he deserves the pain, the hurt.

He deserves worse.


End file.
